Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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