Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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