Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
