I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
