He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
