At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
