dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Randomize
