i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
