Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
