if you like me you must not know who I am
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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