its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
