How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
