I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
