Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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