I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When are your genitals available?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
