i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
