i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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