Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Be still, my beating vagina.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
