Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
