I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
