i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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