Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
