Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
These tits shall not be calmed
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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