On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw a hot homeless man
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
