nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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