Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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