i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
