You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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