Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
