You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
