So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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