I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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