fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
