she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The adults are the big ones right?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
