it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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