I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
