can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
