the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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