4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I want a musical about memes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
