he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
