Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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