Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
