i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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