he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
