Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
