Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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