you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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