dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Buhtt sex?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
