We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
