He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
